I just saw that my last post was mid-April… that’s a bit of a shock because I don’t really know what happened to me between then and now. I have been working harder than ever on the thesis which seems to just mean that I am more frustrated than ever on producing next to nothing. Seriously, the last couple months has been *almost* the worst time in my life. Luckily the misery of my 18th year still wins out by far and I hope I don’t ever have anything that takes its honor of being THE worst time of my life.
Tonight I am on the up side of things because I actually did get some writing done today (however small) and I still far enough from my next deadline to ignorantly think that things are progressing good enough. (Yes, split personality also seems to be developing from the stress of the thesis.) I don’t really want to moan and groan about my thesis problems here, but I do just want to put down these thoughts in a place where I will be accountable to them. I still sometimes worry that I will (again) forget the pains of academia and go stupidly back to apply for a Phd program. So I am making a point of whining about the thesis to everyone. This way, all of you can slap me silly when I say I want to go back to this masochist hell.
In other news… Goldie is leaving shortly for a two-month contract job in Shanghai. I guess the timing is good in the sense that I need the space to work and it’s not exactly enjoyable for her to watch me writhing in pain all the time. Though I have to admit she has been really good support for me. Hopefully she can still provide phone support to me at a safe distance. But I don’t even want to get into the details about what’s happening at the end of August when massive decisions will have to be enacted. The lease will end, her position might become permanent, my student visa is expiring soon, I may or may not graduate, and I don’t know what the kitty is going to do when she finds out about all this.
Right now, I am just looking forward to my brother’s visit to Hong Kong! Yes, he got called to do a business trip to Taiwan and he managed to arrange an excursion to HK this weekend. It’s a terribly short visit, at a very difficult time, with a very bad weather forecast…but as far as I am concerned, it’s perfect timing. I could use a glimpse of light during these dark times.
