I’m back home! I feel like I have gone around world several times over after the last few days. Everyday from New Year’s Eve until 年初四 (the fourth day of the new year), we had places to be and things do. I’m starting to understand why many Chinese people tend to groan at the thought of New Year’s. Of course, everybody loves holidays, but they also tend to require a lot of work.
On New Year’s Eve, Goldie and I tried to go shopping. I say “try” because I ended up empty-handed. And it was so crowded anyways you could hardly get into some stores. Hong Kong is already crowded far beyond most Americans’ imagination, but New Year’s takes it to an entirely new level. Not only do people like to buy new clothes for New Year’s as per tradition, they also need to buy gifts for 拜年 (visiting family and friends for new years). Plus, everybody knows they need to stock up on supplies since nearly all the stores will be closed for at least 3-4 days. The businesses love this time of the year, of course. There are quite a few sales, but some actually raise prices (like hair salons)! Despite this, I managed to get my hair cut. At least that made me feel I had “beautified” myself for the new year.
One remarkable thing about shopping on New Year’s eve is that things are much easier when dinner time comes. Usually everybody goes home for family dinner, so the shops start to clear out and you can actually look at the merchandise again. Goldie and I had a late dinner with the parents that evening. We got home just before 12 and I rushed to sweep the house while Goldie threw out the trash. It’s bad luck to do this on New Year’s and I could hear my other neighbors were also frantically sweeping/vacuuming a few minutes before the clock struck 12.
After a few minutes of rest, we headed back outside. We wanted to go to the night market to check out flowers (well, mostly it was me that wanted to go). But the night market is, by far, the most crowdest place of all in this season. We already knew we weren’t going to try going until 2am when we hoped the crowds would be more manageable and the prices would fall. So we drank some coffee and tried to keep ourselves awake after an already long day. When we finally decided to head the night market (only a few blocks from our house!), we realized the waiting was no use: it was still crowded as ever. I simply could not have imagined how crowded it would be! Even with all the organization of dedicated entrances, exits, and directional paths, it’s basically cramming yourself into a can of sardines. I found myself rubbing against thousands of people, walking at the pace of a few centimeters every minute. Goldie and I walked one in front of the other, holding on for dear life, because we knew once one of us got lost, it would probably take an hour to meet up again. When I did see something in the distant that might be of interest, we would elbow our way sideways until we were “spit” out of the river of people into a make-shift flower stall. There was lots of beautiful kumquat trees and orchids for sale, but it wasn’t exactly what I was looking for and I’m not even sure how I could have walk out of the crowd with the plant still alive. So after one very long trip around the flower stalls (we didn’t even dare visiting the rest of the market where the toys were), we headed back home.
There wasn’t much sleeping in the next day, since we needed to have New Year’s brunch back at Goldie’s family house. When you see someone for the first time on the New Year, you are obliged to greet them with 恭喜發財 (Gung Hei Faat Choi – literally, congratulations for getting rich) and should say a few other wishes. Goldie instructed me to say: 恭喜發財. 祝你身體健康，新年快樂，賺多啲! (“Congratulations for getting rich, may you have good health, happy new year, make more [money]!”) Of course, I only managed to get half of that out…until Goldie’s elbowing made me wrap my tongue around the rest. After a leisurely brunch, we were all lying around passing time. I was nearly falling asleep on Goldie’s sister’s bed when I heard everyone scuffling around the house. Goldie’s aunt and cousins had come for new year’s visit. Actually I saw them last year, but I could see a few eyebrows raise when they saw me standing in the doorway (pretending like I wasn’t sleeping just a couple before). Since there was not enough seats to go around, we (me and Goldie’s immediate family) all stood around while the guests sit and we urge them to eat some snacks. Much like last year, I wasn’t following the conversation too well again. But at least I did slightly better in some parts. Like, I found out one of the cousins got a new dog (no better time than the year of dog!).
But when everyone suddenly broke out in laughter and was looking at me, I was a little confused. I heard Goldie’s mom and father saying my name 阿珊 (A-san) and Goldie was muttering 鬼婆 (foreign devil lady) and chuckling. I managed to piece together that the aunt had called me by the common Cantonese slang for foreigners “foreign devil lady” and Goldie’s parents had corrected her. Her aunt apologized to me, but I was hardly offended. I was just so happy that Goldie’s parents had “saved my honor.” Nevermind that I know her parents have also called me 鬼婆 when I’m not around. 
Somewhere along the way, everybody decided to go out for afternoon tea. We ambled out in two’s and three’s. While waiting for everyone to catch up at the tram stop, one of the cousins started picture taking. Soon, a couple snapshots became a whole ordeal of orchestrating people. After nearly every permutation was covered, we headed off to the shopping center of the universe: Causeway Bay. But of course, that day there was only a few cafes open and mostly empty streets. What a strange sight in Hong Kong! Goldie and I ended up at the “young” table with her cousin, sister and sis’s bf. Occasionally, Goldie or her sister would say a few words in English to me so I didn’t feel too left out. But otherwise, it was mostly Cantonese and I spent a lot of time sitting and smiling.
Finally at one point, I started to pick up some interesting conversation. Goldie’s cousin was asking her (in Cantonese) if she was dating any guys. I tried to keep a poker face while watching Goldie squirm. Her cousin was unfazed by Goldie’s immediate response “No” and kept pushing on to ask, “You don’t even think about it?” I was really dying inside over the irony that I never understand the conversation but when I finally do understand something, I can’t say anything. I was also shocked that Goldie’s cousin was totally missing all the obvious cues: namely, that I was sitting right next to Goldie and had been at her side the entire time (just like last year) and the well-known fact among all the family that we are living together and everyone knows that Goldie has never had a boyfriend and….
Anyways, that night Goldie and I went out for sushi. Remember the custom of eating fish on new years? What could possibly be better than sushi?! There is a popular chain restaurant in Hong Kong that has the traditional sushi bar with moving belt. We gorged ourselves. We also took a stab at some new foods. Goldie ordered “Tartar beef sushi” not really knowing that it meant raw beef. Despite loving beef, she was a little turned off by it. But I was surprised at how much I liked it. It was much like raw fish, except with beef flavor…as stupid as that sounds.
Once again, we got home kinda late and didn’t have any energy to get ready for our trip to Macau the next day. When Goldie was talking about packing that night, I finally realized that we were staying *overnight* in Macau. Opps, she assumed I knew that earlier. That night, all I could think about how all five of us were going to share a single hotel room and then ON TOP of THAT, what to say to all the relatives I was about to meet. The next morning was a whirlwind of rushing to get to the ferry terminal in time. But it was smooth sailing to Macau. We were greeted on the other side by Goldie’s aunt and uncle (father’s side) with a private car! Wow! (In Macau, unlike Hong Kong, housing and cars are actually somewhat affordable.) We were whisked off to the hotel to check-in and have 飲茶 (more commonly known as “dim sum” in the U.S.). As I started meeting relatives one after another, I kept getting ready for the barage of questions…but they never came. I was actually a complete non-issue. Something I wasn’t quite expecting after the ever so common experience of getting absolutely gushed upon in mainland. Well, no problem, I certainly didn’t feel bad for not being the center attention…it was a relief.
So onto the rest of the trip! I simply love large Chinese meals! We had at least 10 people at 飲茶 so there was a lot of different dishes. And the hotel was very nice, so the food was delicious. Like usual, Goldie “takes care” of me by keeping my bowl and tea cup full. So I just sit back and enjoy. This is not so unusual, hosts/superiors will often serve food to guests and such. But I feel a little guilty about this, because it seems improper to be so “lazy.” But actually, it’s a cultural habit that many people enjoy doing. Then again, it would be wise for me to reciprocate sometimes and at least pour tea for others. But, to be honest, I get a little nervous at times because my attempts often backfire. For instance, I picked up the tea pot with hot water and was about to pour tea for Goldie’s mom when I was intercepted by several people with, “That’s hot water!” Others took over, and I lost the chance. Opps…also, I can’t help but have my American insecurities come in at times and convince me that I don’t have the privilege to assume someone wants tea or a spoon of some dish. This gets into an interesting issue I learned about in sociolinguistics on involvement/independence face…but I’ll talk about that some other day.
After the delicious meal, Goldie, her father, cousin (Virginia), uncle, and me loaded into the car for a scenic drive of Macau. The car trip reminded me of being in the U.S. It was also the first time I got such a good look at Macau. Although Goldie and I have gone there several times, we always end up at the same spots. The road trip gave me a chance to re-appreciate Macau. For one, Macau has some great architecture because of its Portuguese history. It also has a lot more historical sites than Hong Kong because of it’s 500 years of colonization. Along the way, we stopped at a museum having an exhibition on matchboxes, of all things. And Goldie’s uncle was proud to have his daughter introduce me to Macau’s history in English. Virginia and I ended up having a long chat about linguistics and other school things. That led to Goldie’s father teasing Virginia: He said that as my “manager” he had to inform Virginia that she needed to pay me 300 dollars for the English lesson. I managed to crack a joke in Cantonese (my first?) by following up with, “No, the first time is free!”
That evening, Goldie and I were on our own. The rest of the family went to mainland for cheap massages and New Year’s dinner with more relatives living across the border. But since it costs me a pretty penny for a mainland visa, I couldn’t go. So Goldie and I watched the sun set while up on the remains of the old fortress and had a very enjoyable Macanese dinner. We were supposed to meet up again with the rest of the family for late-night karaoke, but I realized during dinner that I had come down with a cold! (Yeah, again!) So Goldie and I went to bed early, while everybody partied late into the night.
The next morning, it didn’t look like anyone had gotten a good night’s sleep. Everyone was blaming each other for being a noisy sleeper. As an objective third party, I can say they are all guilty…except me. I tried to convince Goldie not to let it on that I was sick so I could avoid all the fuss over my health. But of course, there was no use hiding it. When Goldie’s father found out that I often get sick on holidays, his appraisal of the situation was that the underlying cause is psychological. Yeah, I have been thinking about it a lot. Because I also think it’s pretty odd that I have so often come down with a sickness right when I go on vacation. Anyways, the cold wasn’t that bad so I was able to continue with the original travel schedule (provided I had a package of tissues in one hand).
Like the day before, we went out with the family for another big yum cha meal. Right afterwards, Goldie’s father realized his mobile was missing. He figured he left it at the hotel and so we tried to catch a taxi, but there was none to be found. We ended up walking, but along the way Goldie’s mom wasn’t feeling well. So she took a break at the Lisboa, the famous hotel/casino landmark of Macau, with Goldie’s sister. I tagged along with Goldie and her father. It wasn’t that short of a walk actually. And no one was quite certain which one of the shiny new hotel/casino complexes was the right one. Despite the seemingly bad luck, it was quite a pleasant stroll. It was unseasonably warm, the sun was shining, and there was plenty of sidewalk space. Macau always gives me that peaceful and relaxed feeling, I guess. And perhaps everyone in the family was secretly glad to be late to the next gathering of relatives… And sure enough, the mobile phone was at the hotel.
After fetching the mobile, we headed back to meet up with Goldie’s sister and mother, but they were no where to be seen. So we sat down at the cafe and had a cup of tea. Somehow the other two just showed up and everybody took a break. I don’t remember how, but the family started reminiscing on the funny stories of the days past. Like the time Goldie’s brother drew a mustache on Goldie when she was sleeping. Once again, I lost track of the conversation until I heard Goldie’s mom say “See Goldie? She’s not in a relationship and….” I don’t know how I manage to understand this particular comment and miss everything else (I found out later this comment came out of the blue in a completely unrelated discussion). That left me scratching my head for a while, trying to put together all the pieces of what was happening: if Goldie’s mom doesn’t think we’re in a relationship, why exactly am I in Macau then?
Nevermind, we still had make another visit to Goldie’s great aunt and more distant cousins (once-removed or second cousins?). We arrived at one the older parts of the city and everybody seemed to take more time than usual before ringing the bell. Spent a few minutes cooing over the dogs hanging out around a pool table and watching the jazz band practicing next door. Finally, everybody headed up the stairs with me trailing behind. At the top of the stairs was quite a crowd waiting to greet us. I noticed all the eyebrows raise slightly as people realized that I wasn’t just a lost tourist. But they did a superb job of recovering from the surprise by offering me warm welcomes and ushering me inside. Not only was there a round of introducing me to the relatives, but there was several minutes spent trying to refresh everyone’s memory of who was who. It’s been a while since some of the family met, and some people there had never even met. People naturally broke up into small chatting groups, but I was left mute again and Goldie could hardly recognize anybody. So we sat there munching on melon seeds while Goldie made (somewhat bitter) observations on the time-old tradition of Chinese families: comparing the academic successes of their kids. She was discouraged that no one cared to ask how her work is or even what work she does. I had got a nod of approval because of my postgraduate study, but was quickly passed over when one of the mothers started talking her daughter who is getting a Ph.D. in bioengineering in the U.S. I guess that definitely trumps a M.Phil in linguistics. After a couple hours of chit-chat (mostly about the brilliant kids), Goldie’s parents made the sign and stood up. One of the relatives took this last chance to pull me aside and say a few words to me in Mandarin: “This is what we Chinese do on New Year’s, get the family together and eat. …[a few exchanges later]…You know, all us parents just work to save up money for our kids and send them off to school. We just work for the benefit of the next generation, so they can have a better life than we had.” It was kinda a strange moment for me. One, because I could actually understand what she was saying (unlike all the Cantonese conversation). And two, because she summed up a core part of Chinese culture so succinctly. And while Goldie was still grumbling over all the elaborate attention that was poured over who was getting what degree where, I felt this explanation made a lot of sense. It’s a shame that academic status can become so superficial, but I can really understand the motivations.
We ended the day with the aunts, uncles, and kids over a beautiful banquet downtown. After dinner, we got ready to head back to the ferry. I remember in particular, Goldie’s aunt patting my back, giving me a big smile, and waving goodbye. Even though we had hardly said more than two words to each other the entire time in Macau, I realized that she never stopped smiling at me since the first minute I saw her. I couldn’t help but say to Goldie as we walked away, “I like your aunt!”
At the ferry terminal, everyone was slowing down from the hustle and bustle of the last few days. Goldie’s mom asked me if I was tired, and I shook my head. Even with all the sleep deprivation, the cold, and busy schedule of going to and fro, I just felt very happy. Then while boarding the ferry, Goldie’s father ran across some friends already seated. He and I were waiting for the line to move forward and they exchanged some pleasantries while we waited. Towards the end, there was a short pause, he glanced over to me, and then added, “Oh, this is our 契女.” His friends, a family of four, all gave me a cheerful smile and said in unison, “Ha-lo!” I smiled and waved back. Later on the bus, after Goldie’s family and we had gone separate ways back home, I asked Goldie what 契女 meant. She responded, “God-daughter.” I sat back in my seat and smiled.
The next day, we went to visit Goldie’s grandparents just as we did the year before. It’s a long ride on the MTR and mini-bus ride up the mountain. Goldie’s mom was walking alongside me and tried to make some conversation, “Did you ever come here before?” I smiled and said, “Yeah, last year we came together.” She puzzled over having forgotten already. Even Goldie seemed skeptical and asked her father if he remembered me coming along. “Yeah, she was here,” he responded. I pondered in my head how long a year really is. Has it really been six months in Hong Kong already? How come these six months seem to have gone by so much faster than those last six months in Chengdu? How fast will this year go? And then, my mind went back to wondering why we go to visit the grandparents every new year. Suddenly, the answer became painfully obvious: oh… we 拜年–pay the New Year visits–even after the friends and family pass away.
…
School has started again for me. The pace of schoolwork is picking up fast. But I’ve been taking in the events of this week quite slowly. Yes, there have been quite some changes for me lately…and some painful changes for my family back home not mentioned here. But a lot of thinking about family for sure. So much so, I have decided to start looking for tickets to go back to the U.S. to visit family in May/June. I think it’s about time.
